Reflections on 10 Years in New York City
I did it! I'm a real New Yorker now right? Right??
I don't know what constitutes a "real New Yorker", but I'm certainly going to give myself a pat on the back for making it ten full years. When I showed up with my ex at 26, neither of us had never visited the city before, and we had very little idea of what to expect. The idea of failing and moving back to my parent's place in Idaho felt like a very real possibility. And yet! Here I am, many apartments, a few jobs, and one divorce and a wedding later, still calling New York City my home. To be honest, there's nowhere else I'd rather be at this point in my life.
I'm not going to pretend like I've gained a vast amount of wisdom from a single decade in the The Big Apple, but I'm going to jot down some thoughts, in no particular order, about my time here. (I will update this list as I think of new ones)
New Yorkers have a reputation for being rude and/or unfriendly. In general I don't find this to be the case, however with any stereotype there are always some small nuggets of truth.
- Employees at NYC-based branches of national chain stores (UPS Store, Starbucks, McDonalds) will behave as if they would rather be anywhere else, and would rather be doing anything else but helping you.
- While you won't be getting any "Hi how are yas" from people walking down the sidewalk, ask anyone on that sidewalk for help or directions and they will immediately rise to the occasion. They may not do it with a smile, but I find New Yorkers are very helpful people.
- People in service jobs speak very plainly and directly. Don't take this for unfriendliness. You should, like they have, accept that your relationship with a waiter, shop keeper, or bartender is ultimately transactional. There's nothing rude about ordering what you want, and them bringing it to you, without any extra fuss.
- However if you ask one of the above individuals how their day is going, or pay them a compliment, you'll may be surprised how friendly and talkative they'll be in return.
- Just like everywhere else in the world, New Yorkers love to talk about themselves and their passions. Listen to them! There are so many interesting people in this city.
Living without a car is incredible. The subway goes ninety-five percent of the places I need to go, and Uber/Taxis fill in the rest. No car payment, no insurance, no parking headaches; it's very freeing. Plus, getting stuck on the subway, while shitty, isn't nearly as bad as being stuck in traffic. This is because in a car you feel like you should be in control, while in the subway you are fully relinquishing control from the start.
The key to making NYC feel like home is finding your neighborhood. I jumped between many apartments before landing in my current place, and I've been here for 6 years. Living somewhere where common needs (grocery store, coffees shop, barber, laundromat, gym, etc) are within walking distance is a game changer. Neighborhood bars where they know you and give you free drinks! The subway is great, but it's amazing to be able to really live in your neighborhood and not have to take the train whenever you need something.
People who stand in the way or walk slowly on sidewalks, entryways, or subway stairs deserve to be drawn and quartered. I don't even know what "drawn and quartered" means, but nothing brings out thirst for draconian punishments more than somebody stopping at the top of the subway entrance steps to look around. Number one rule when you're in New York: have self-awareness, get out of the way.
I love seeing the city filled with tourists. People (myself included) like to rag on tourists as they make asses of themselves all over midtown, but in 2020 the city completely emptied out. It was depressing, and there was a genuine fear that the city would never come back. After living through those times, I will take tourist-packed streets any day of the week over the alternative.
The thing that makes New York pizza special is its ubiquity. When a visitor wants to know where the best pizza is, they're missing the point. With few exceptions, any pizza place that you happen to be walking by is going to be leagues better than anything you can get wherever you're from. That's the beauty of it. Don't wait in line at Joe's. Eat it everywhere and develop your favorites over time.
The same applies to bagels. Bagels anywhere that's not NYC are a travesty.
If you live anywhere in the five boroughs, you live in New York City. It's not like other cities that fade into sprawl and you tell people you're from Seattle when you're really from Issaqua or Renton. In New York the dividing line is very clear. Even though we make fun of Staten Island, someone who lives there is just as much of a New Yorker as someone who lives in Manhattan or Brooklyn.
I never get sick of going out to eat. A big part of this is that we cook 3-4 nights per week and do leftovers for lunch, so going out for dinner remains special. I love having our go-to restaurants, and I love trying new places. You will never run out of places to try. I love making a whole night of it. Put on a nice shirt, have a pre-dinner cocktail, order an appetizer, a bottle of wine with the main course, dessert if the options look good; it's a ritual that I adore.
Making friends as an adult is hard (not unique to NYC), and having friends to do stuff makes living in New York so much more fun. I'm lucky enough that my wife is my best friend, and we do most things together, but having a your own friends to connect with is good for your soul. Nurture your relationships!
New York is a great city to struggle in. I've been fortunate enough to grow in my career a great deal since I moved here in 2015, and I can honestly say that I had a blast at every income level.
The cheat code for financial stability is to move in with your significant other and share a one-bedroom apartment.